Feeling Blue

At only 14 weeks old, Blue is no longer with us.

Yesterday Blue wasn't himself. We got up around 7am, and I decided it would be fun if we switched up our morning walk and drive somewhere new. So we drove to a nearby park that we had all to ourselves. The healthy Blue would have loved it - running around unleashed, watching the ducks and romping in the snow but instead he just laid down in the grass and wouldn't really budge. This lasted for several minutes before I decided to take him home. Throughout the day he just got worse. He wouldn't eat, he was lethargic and he was having trouble breathing. At times he would just stand in the same spot and not move an inch for several minutes. Something was definitely wrong, but we kept thinking/hoping that it would eventually pass.

When I got up this morning his condition hadn't improved, and it was breaking my heart to see him look so uncomfortable and sad. I finally decided to take him to the emergency vet. Before I even walked in the door, I knew something was terribly wrong and I was nervous to find out what. The first thing the nurse did was check his gums, and that's when everything started to spiral out of control. She was suddenly very urgent and said, "Oh my gosh, his gums are white. We need to get him on oxygen right now" Then they immediately took him back for x-rays and an ultrasound, and that's when they discovered that Blue had a severely enlarged heart. Because of the size of his heart and because of Blue's age, we had very few options. She said that surgery might be a possibility, but it would only lessen the severity of the situation, not cure it, and it could cost upwards of $6000. Plus, even with the surgery, his life would be drastically shortened. She said the "kind" thing to do would be to let him go.

So we let him go. I didn't think I would get so attached so quickly but I did, and as silly as it may sound for some, today was a really hard day.

Blue was always an awesome dog, but I'll admit that during the first couple of weeks, I had a few "What was I thinking?!" moments. But over the past few weeks I became less and less overwhelmed and more and more in love with this sweet puppy.

I used to get frustrated if he'd interrupt me when I was trying to get work done, but toward the end he gave me something to look forward to during my day and I was always excited to take little breaks to play with him or get a quick snuggle. It was hard to wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning and go on those cold morning walks, but it was also really nice to breathe in the fresh air while the rest of the world was asleep and to make Blue so happy. It was annoying when he tried to have a go at our food when it was in close range, but it was also really cute when he looked at us with those puppy dog eyes and reached his face up to rest his chin on Eric's dinner tray seeming to say, "Please just a little bite". And Eric always gave it to him.

Everywhere we went people instantly fell in love with Blue. There's a sweet 7 y/o girl next door who adored Blue. Almost every evening she would come over and play with him or ask if she could take him back to her house for a few minutes. She even gave Blue one of her favorite stuffed animals. Today, when Eric went to return the stuffed animal, both Meadow and her mom quickly asked, "How is Blue? Is he doing better??" Meadow's mom quickly figured out that he wasn't doing better and asked Meadow to go to another room while she talked to Eric. She cried when she heard the news and, after Eric left, she eventually told Meadow who later came to our house with a brave face but tears running down her cheeks, and she said, "When I get a Samoyed, I'm going to name him Blue and I'm going to let you play with him whenever you want." When Eric asked if she was doing all right, she said, "If you consider crying for an hour all right, then yes. Blue was my very best BFF." She said very mature things like, "He's in a better place." and "At least you got to be with him for a little while." and "He died because his heart was too big and too full of love".

Blue was certainly full of love. He was so sweet...and, unfortunately, so young, but Meadow is exactly right. I feel very fortunate that we got to have Blue if even for just a short while.